Thursday, December 18, 2008

Keep Your Friends Close and Your Enemies Closer

Just wanted to take a moment to share a recent e-mail that I received from Jonah Barton who is the president of the "The Gluckstadt Giant Foundation". R.E.S.S.I.E. and T.G.G.F. aren't enemies or anything... we just try to stay out of each others way. We let them do their research and we do ours and we try not to overlap when possible. About the only time we do get together socially is when we kick their asses at softball. LOL! Jonah owns a U-Haul franchise in Madison off of Hwy. 51. His business also serves as the headquarters for their operation. Anyway he recently sent me the following:


Long time no see compadre. You guys having any luck with the new traps? Probably not since "Ressie" doesn't exist... hahahaha. You guys should give up and come over to the T.G.G.F. and join forces with us. If we pooled resources we could all become famous within a year. The Giants have really been active in the past month. I'm feeling really good about the upcoming year. This could be the one! We just added three new team members and just bought a fully loaded 4X4 truck. Not to mention the new night vision goggles and a sweet sponsorship from Unilever Foods North America. You know damn well we only use their Ragu™ pasta sauce products to bait our traps. We wouldn't ever use anything else and they  are going to start sending us as many cases as we need. So the next time we kick your asses at softball I'll bring you a few jars to take home to your Mom. Hey check it out. I hired a guy from Memphis to carve this Giant for us to put in front of the headquarter offices. Pretty sweet huh. Well I better wrap it up. Getting ready to go make the afternoon trap run. See you soon.

~ Jonah

My response back to Mr. Barton was friendly, but firm. I simply told him that he was indeed wrong about who was chasing things that don't exist. That would be him. And I also told him that even though we didn't (yet) have a fancy sponsorship deal with Honey Baked Hams™, or all the fancy, expensive equipment that we would be just fine. And no we don't intend on abandoning all the hard work  we've put into our project. I let him know who was getting their asses kicked at the next softball game too. I also told him that he could keep his Ragu™ sauce for his stupid traps. My mother has been dead for 7 years and he damn well knew that. That guy is a passive aggressive dick sometimes.


  1. Hey Hugh. Suck it man. I forgot about your Mom... sorry. My bad.

  2. I wouldn't let that dirty ape anywhere near me or mine. And the same goes for the Giant.


Stay in touch. But please keep it clean for the kids.